We are Victoria and Jennifer Collier. We have been down just about every possible path in our journey to become parents. We have a new book out, “Getting to Baby” — and a website, www.gettingtobaby.com — where we share the story of our many trials, and ultimately, our triumph. Today, we are the very proud parents of twins, Christopher and Katherine, who came into this world, and our lives, through a surrogate.
We were so happy to be invited to be guest bloggers on My Hopeful Journey, because no matter what kind of hopeful parent you are — straight, gay or lesbian — so much about the struggle of infertility and the journey of getting to baby is similar for everyone. So, we’d like to share some of what we learned along the way.
As we endeavored to become parents, we tried everything from In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which resulted in a miscarriage, to several close calls on adoption, before finally finding surrogacy.
Many couples, us included, spend years and exorbitant amounts of money on efforts to start a family before they pursue the surrogacy option, if they pursue it at all. Consider surrogacy early to avoid that lost time and money, but realize there are costs, emotional issues and success rates to consider with this method, just like the others. Look into your options for finding a surrogate. There are surrogacy agencies that can help, if you’re more comfortable that way; if you like a more hands-on approach, there are methods for seeking out a surrogate on your own. It’s an option worth exploring, at the least.
What’s the right choice for you? It’s hard to say, because no matter what avenue you pursue, there are hidden pitfalls and tricky choices all along the way. But we can tell you this: knowledge is power. Being armed with the right knowledge from the outset can save you from missteps,frustration and heartbreak. It’s critical to learn everything you can.
Keep in mind that knowing yourself, and your partner, is just as important as arming yourself with other kinds of information. Spend time really thinking things through. Identify why you want to have children right now. Get your priorities straight. Finding out what it is you really want, and why, will shape your decisions and help you cope with natural stress that can arise in the process.
Don’t just look at what you’re feeling and facing right now. A long-range plan — covering everything from efforts to become pregnant, adoptor use a surrogate, to who will care for your child once he or she arrives –will help eliminate anxiety along the way.
Believe it or not, no matter how frustrated you are or how difficult your journey has been to this point, you can get through this. There are many options available to you, some of which you might never have considered. For more info, be sure to check out the Getting to Baby blog.
They also are providing a free download chapter of their book at Getting to Baby. I know you will learn something from them.. I really like their perspective and the way that they turned a difficult situation to one of perseverance and ultimately triumph!
Tip: My Hopeful Journey is a great tool for surrogates to use while going through their medical protocol to get ready for the embryo(s) to be transferred. We look to expand the functionality to make it even more useful for the intended parent and the surrogate. We are open to YOUR suggestions!